Day 5: Fools Rush In.

"A picture of your favorite memory."

Oh, this was an easy one :)

My favorite memory isn't of one specific moment, but rather of a period of time that is best described as...a real life fairytale.

It's about falling head-over-heels in love with Jeremiah.

The picture I used for this entry is our very first picture taken together. It was the night of the ΚΣ Foam Party. Prior to that, Jeremiah and I had only briefly been talking, just as friends at that point. We had this super long message going back and forth between the two of us just talking and asking each other random questions. And when I say random, I mean RANDOM! I don't think I had ever had someone ask me which planet was my favorite! That's how I knew he was something else, it was so refreshing!

I was supposed to go to the party with someone else, but he had gotten himself into a bit of trouble the night before and therefore didn't want to go. And thank goodness for that! Jeremiah came and stole me right away, asking me to be his date to the party. I couldn't have been happier. That was the first night he first kissed me.

We dated for two whole months before he officially asked me to be his girlfriend. Not that it made any difference to us; I'd say we acted like a legitimate couple during the dating period. We spent every moment together possible. I had so much fun with him! Now, if I had to choose one of my absolute top moments with him, it would have to be the night he asked me to be his girlfriend.

That night, he had a very special date planned for us. It didn't quite turn out like he had hoped though. It started storming right after dinner! While we were driving around in the pouring rain, he suddenly pulled over into a random parking lot. I thought it was a little strange, but little did I know! He put on a CD with a bunch of love songs, turned it up high, got out of the car around to my side and pulled out a bouquet of fake white roses (apparently he had tried to get real ones but they were closed when he got there, so he went with fakes, which I loved!). He took my hand, pulled me outside and began to DANCE WITH ME IN THE RAIN!!!! It was seriously magical! Gross, I know, sorry. But really, I couldn't believe he had just pulled that on me! It was beautiful. He didn't keep me out long though, he knew I didn't like my hair getting wet! After that, we kept on driving around when it started hailing outside. So we pulled under a 7-11 gas station to take cover. We just talked until it passed. As we left, he had come to terms with his "failed date" and we decided to just go back to his place and watch a movie. But before we went inside, he took my hand, looked right into my eyes and asked me to be his girlfriend. And what did I say?...

"It's about time!"

And then we smiled and kissed and it was corny and so on and so forth!

We have had so many wonderfully hysterical moments together. Should I mention that we said "I Love You" for the first time sitting on top of a toilet seat?! My life should be a movie, I swear! I have loved every minute of being with him and I regret nothing. My favorite moments in life will forever be the beginning of our beautiful relationship. I wouldn't have it any other way.
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My Brickfish entry for the "Best of the Best 2008" contest.

"Okay, so I know I am going to be totally cliché, but living out a fairy tale love story is a pretty magnificent thing. Meeting Jeremiah at the beginning of the new year, I knew right away that this would be the "can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, world-series kind of stuff" they were talking about in the 1995 movie, "It Takes Two" :) . Without effort, we both fell head over heels in love with each other. Now we are one year strong and I couldn't be happier that I found the Prince Charming I had always prayed for. He is by far the Best of the Best of 2008 for me, but honestly, I know he will be the Best of the Best for the Rest of my Life."

I love you, Jeremiah. Forever & Always <3

Day 4: Censored.

"A picture of something you wish you could forget."


I feel like there is a lot in my life I wish I could forget. Arguments, grade school, heartaches and heartbreaks, people, habits...the list could go on. Unfortunately, the one thing I wish I could forget about most is the one thing I sincerely cannot talk about. I guess the only thing to say about it is...I wouldn't wish this nightmare on even my worst enemy.

...And this is officially the worst blog post ever.

Day 3: OMFG.

"A picture of the cast from you're favorite show."

Don't Hate.

Yes, for as "different & dark" as I am, my top show is in fact the prepster favorite, Gossip Girl. But then again, is that really so hard to believe? That show is seriously hot...and I do mean the eyecandy.

On a more serious, deeper note, I think the reason I like this show is because I have a problem with envy. It seems like every show I watch is actually me watching people I envy, fictional or not. Gossip Girl is a show about the rich and beautiful living their fabulous, if not scandalous, lives. E! News is a news show about the rich and beautiful living their fabulous, if not scandalous, lives. 90210 is a show about the rich and beautiful...living their fabulous...if not scandalous....lives. Well, Survivor is a show about adventure?! I ENVY ALL OF THAT! It's a sad world.

TV is my personal torture.

That's why I major in film.

P.S. BLUCK FOREVER! :P

Day 2: Cry Little Sister...

"A picture of you and the person you used to be close with."

Here's to my brother, Lee...

When we were little tiny babies (err, kids?), I can't say we were super close. He and my sister lived in Ft. Worth, TX with their mother (he's my "half-brother") and so I only got to see them every once and a while. But then sometime later, he moved here with my parents. Now, he's quite a bit older than me, 10 years to be exact, so I obviously looked up to him. When I was about 12 years old, things really changed for me. I became angsty, angry and over emotional. I started listening to metal, dressing in black and eating alone. Seeing that I had no friends, I really turned to my brother for company at home. Not to mention, we had one big thing in common: Music.

Everyone always tells me that the only reason I became a so-called "metalhead" is because of Lee. Well, I can't completely discredit him. He was after all the one that introduced me to most of what I listen to. But I did start kinda listening to it wayyy before he was around. It was just meant to happen! Well, so he was always introducing me to new bands, when he started a band himself, he invited me to his band practices, we would go to shows together, etc etc. I'd say we became real close after that. Closer than most full siblings I knew.

Then at the beginning of 2009, he and my dad had a huge falling out. I won't go into details, but it was bad. Eventually, that meant that he and I had our own falling out since I defended my father. The last thing I said to him was that if he claimed that he didn't have a father anymore, then he could claim he didn't have a sister either. We went almost 2 years without speaking to each other...

It amazed me how we could stop speaking to each other like it was nothing. I was so angry with him at first that I pretended not to care. If he wanted to be a childish asshole, then fine, so be it. That attitude lasted maybe a year. It eventually just turned into hurt for having lost basically one of my best friends.

In November of last year, we finally started talking again. It happened the day before his wedding when my sister Shana talked me into calling him to at least congratulate him. It was incredibly emotional and I was terrified to speak to him. But everything worked out alright. We both apologized to each other and confessed how much we missed each other. He even invited me to his wedding the next day. Now THAT was an emotional meeting, but it was wonderful. Since then, we have tried to stay in contact regularly; a phone call a week or so. Unfortunately we have both been so busy that the first time we were able to see each other since was just a few days ago at a Skinlab show.

Things definitely aren't the same between us. We've lost that "closeness" we had before. I can tell we are both trying to go back to the way it was before, though. Hopefully in time it will be. Till then, I'm just glad I have a brother again...

Day 1: Mirror Mirror On The Wall...

Well it's a snow day in the lovely state of Oklahoma. To commemorate this cold event, not to mention to cure myself of a severe case of cabin fever, I figure why the hell not! Here is day one of my 30-Day Picture Challenge.

15 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME

1. I found the love of my life in 2008.
2. I am majoring in film.
3. I am obsessed with makeup.
4. I am a so-called metal-head.
5. I have high anxiety.
6. I am a loner.
7. The number 7 follows me everywhere.
8. I am an envious person.
9. I am a pro at pushing people away.
10. I am a daydreamer.
11. I enjoy spending time with my family.
12. I do not understand how he still loves me.
13. I am afraid of dying.
14. I need therapy.
15. I still know what happy is.

There's No Going Back.

Once a cutter, always a cutter.

Going Under.

Ever feel like you're no good at anything?

I always feel that way. I don't even know how I got to this point. I like to think there was something special there before. Now it's all just...a blur.

Life has been so different lately, and yet it hasn't changed a bit. Norman isn't what I expected at all. Moving away from home wasn't as exciting as it should have been. Living with Jeremiah is almost the same as not living with Jeremiah. School sucks just the same. Friends are still half existent. This life is not what it was supposed to be.

I try to stay happy, but deep down when I look into the mirror I know that I'm doing nothing but lying to my own face. But I still try to stay happy.

After all, I have no real reason to be unhappy. My boyfriend is amazing. My family is amazing. My friends are amazing. My school is amazing. My work is amazing? Shit.

Lies.Lies.Lies.

My relationship with Jeremiah scares me sometimes. I'm so madly in love with him; that part is not a lie by any means. I only wonder if he still feels the same anymore. Sometimes I feel as if what we do is just routine. I feel almost feel like his wife already. The part that frightens me is that we are not married...not engaged...not anything with a boyfriend and a girlfriend living together. I question if he's bored already. If he's annoyed already. How the hell did I become the bitchy wife without being an effing wife. What have I gotten myself into?...

My parents have been pretty great lately. They dealt with my move better than I thought they would. Hell, me moving in with my boyfriend wasn't easy for me, I can't imagine how they silently dealt with that. We've been kinder to each other. I get homesick a lot. I can't usually leave my parents house without crying.

...My parents house...I hate saying that. It's still my effing house. It's my real home...

I miss Lee. I miss Cheyenne. I hate that we don't speak anymore. I hate that I can't see how little Cheyenne is growing. Most of all I hate that I can't hate him. After every word...he's still my big brother and I love him.

I'm worthless in school. I don't know how i've made it this far. I've been sitting at this table for 5 hours attempting to write a paper for Philosophy. 5 Hours...for a two page paper...and I'm not even half way there. I'm pathetic.

It's all bullshit.

It's funny when person with so much in life feels like they have nothing at all.