Day 17: Paradigm.

"A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently."

Well, this isn't necessarily recent, but it has guided me to make a fairly recent change in my life.

FILM.

I grew up being a so-called film buff. Most of my childhood memories consist of me spending hours and hours of watching movies with my dad, and when I wasn't watching movies with my dad, I was watching them alone in my room...playing along with the movie, I must add. I was a lonely child.

Yes.

So...with that being said, movies have always had a huge impact on my life, especially when it came to career options. I secretly always wanted to be an actress when I was a kid. When I saw Mission:Impossible, I wanted to be a secret agent. When I saw The Mummy, I wanted to be an archeologist. After watching CSI, I wanted to go into forensics (I know it's not a movie, leave it alone). Eventually, I came to the realization that what I wanted to do with my life has been in front of me my entire life. I wanted to be in the movie making business.

Film is very powerful. It has the ability to suck in its viewers and completely take over their emotions. It takes on a reality of its own that I find so beautiful. For me, film is an escape. The making of a film is so exciting and complex...I love everything about film and I cannot wait to someday be a part of it.

With that being said, I am on the path of getting a college degree in Film & Video Studies. A lot of people doubt what I'm doing...sometimes I even doubt myself. But the fact of the matter is that I love what I'm doing. I'm never really gonna love school because school is school, but if I have to be learning something, I'm beyond glad that I get to study movies. And I promise you a million times over, it is soooo much more difficult than people give it credit for. Regardless, I couldn't be more excited about what I get to learn everyday.

Plus, who else gets to call going to the the movies and watching the Oscars homework?! It's AWESOME.

I'm very happy with where I'm going in life.

And one day I will make a movie about my life. It'll be great.

Day 16: Scream of the Butterfly.

"A picture of someone who inspires you."

So I'm gonna be totally cliché and say that my mom has been the one that has inspired me most in my life.

It has always actually been a little difficult for me to answer this question. Honestly, there are a ton of "inspiring" people out there, but I have never been able to name someone that has had that kind of impact in my life. There hasn't ever really been someone that I have looked up to...except for my brother and that is only for music. But if there is someone that I would have to choose, it would be my mother, because throughout it all, she is a very strong woman that has endured a lot.

She has had so many struggles in her life and she has always found a way to make it through. Regardless of how crazy she may seem, she's an incredibly intelligent woman that has a lot of experience under her belt. You try loosing your father on your 16th birthday, among other things. She's a survivor. I am really proud to say that my mother is someone that I do admire.

And I also believe that her love life should be made into a movie.

Just sayin'.

Day 15: My Happy Ending.

" A picture of something you want to do before you die."

This is going to start being very redundant...

I want to be married and have children with Jeremiah. Surprised? Didn't think so. But if we're being honest here, it has to be said! It has been the only thing that I have wanted since I met him. Let's just say that I pretty much became thanataphobic after we met; I'm TERRIFIED of dying before marrying him.

Sad, no?

So that's basically it. I want to be married, have beautiful children, have a home...and a dog, and live a long happy life by his side. Is that too much to ask for?

Oh, and I also want to travel the world, send my parents to Italy, attend IMATS, learn how to swim and be the proud owner of the perfect nude lipstick. Those are pretty high on my bucket list too.

Day 14: Till Death Do Us Part.

"A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without."

Well ain't this entry just perfect for today!

I couldn't stay away from writing about Jeremiah for long. He is without a shadow of a doubt the one that I could never imagine my life without. He has changed my life for the better. He has been there through everything and stuck it out with me through think and thin. No matter what challenges we face, we fight them together and always make it out stronger. He is my rock. I feel like he has made me a better person and he has taught me how to love. I've said it before and I'll say it again; God knows where I would be without him. I have finally found my Prince Charming and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have him in my life.

The picture I used was from when we got into a wreck back in August. I love this picture because it's kinda ironic. Even in the midst of disaster, we still act totally gross and in love. Plus, we just had to take a final picture in front of his car. That car is not only where we kissed for the first time, but also where he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was a very sad moment, but we were just thankful it wasn't worse. Even though it was scary as hell, at the end of the day, all we could do was hold each other and laugh a little. He has taught me that even when things get rough, as long as he as by my side, I know that everything will turn out just fine.

Okay, this is getting wayyy sappy.

Happy Valentine's Day, baby. I love you more than anything and everything. Forever and Always <3

Day 13: Sound of Madness.

"A picture of your favorite band or artist."

Now this is a very recent development.

When I read that I had to choose my favorite band/artist, I had no idea what to put down. For years I have said that it was Staind, but quite frankly I'm a little ashamed to say them now. Their new stuff kinda sucks. They turned into softies. I hardly listen to them half as much as I used to anyway. I thought about saying Slipknot, because I do love me some Slipknot, but I just don't listen to them all the time. Same with Korn. The one I could firmly say is still one of my current favorites is Rikets, but their not a freakin' band anymore! And I then I thought long and hard and I realized that there was a band I could say I have loved almost every song they have come out with and I still listen to them on a daily basis.

Shinedown.

I really loved The Sound of Madness album. I'm currently obsessed with "The Crow and the Butterfly"; it's such a beautiful song...and it makes me wanna cry a little. And I love "Sound of Madness"; it makes me feel like a rockstar.".45" makes me shed another little tear...and so does "Second Chance". And...last one, I swear...I MUST commend them for their rendition of "Simple Man". It is brilliant.

And you know what, I think it is actually slightly better than Skynard's.

Just sayin'.

So yes. I think Shinedown is amazing. Their music makes me incredible emotional.

And...I pretend to be a rockstar to them...

Day 12: Lip Gloss and Black.

"A picture of something you love."

AAaahhhh...

So I could very well have made this all about Jeremiah. He is the biggest love of my life, after all. But I decided to give it a rest and go to the next best thing.

Makeup.

I'm slightly obsessed. It is something fairly new for me, though. I didn't start wearing makeup until I went all angry in the 7th grade, but even then, that was really only heavy eyeliner and mascara. All about the black raccoon eyes for me! No. I was not really into cosmetics prior to about a year or two ago. God knows I couldn't apply it properly to save my life. I'm really not really even sure how it happened. I think it started the last time I went to Mexico. I remember that there was one time when my mom went to stay at the hospital overnight with my sick cousin. That night, there was no way I was sleeping; I was way too freaked out. So what did I do? I searched makeup tutorials on YouTube. And I've been hooked ever since...

It took me awhile to actually experiment, though. I started buying an absurd amount of makeup about a year ago and it has literally been months since I began to really play and create crazy looks. Now, I'm not very good, but I am practicing. Hopefully one day I can have half the talent of the gurus I religiously watch on on the Tube.

I think it's a beautiful art. Because it is an art, after all. It amazes me how makeup can transform someone into something so different. It takes real talent to be a makeup artist.

If only, if only...

I think that is what I love about it so much. I love the reaction some people get when they have a transformation. It's like..."Wow. I AM beautiful..."

And sure we can all talk bullshit about how everyone is beautiful even without makeup and BLaH BLaH BLaH, but come the fuck on. The vast majority of the female population don't look decent unless they put a bit of mascara on.

But I guess that's just coming from my own warped mind.

Whatever. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have makeup anymore. Crazy is the first, though. Let's just hope that doesn't happen anytime soon. I'm sure I've got enough to last me a lifetime. And in the meantime, I'll just keep experimenting.

But don't get me started on makeup brushes. That's a whole 'nother level of obsession...

Day 11: Enjoy the Silence.

"A picture of something you hate."

If there's one thing in this world that I hate the most, it is feeling alone.

I have spent a seriously ridiculous amount of time feeling alone in my life. Sometimes it is nice to have a little alone time; to think, to pray...to sing in front of the mirror and pretend you're a rockstar. Regardless of those certain moments, the feeling of being completely and utterly alone is the worst. It's knowing that you have no one to talk to and no one to turn to for advice. It's the feeling of being completely alone on this planet when you know there are still millions out there.

Feeling alone is the worst.

Although I have the best man in the world by my side, sometimes it is nice to know that there are others out there that I can depend on. Recently, I feel like Jeremiah is the only one that I can turn to. So when something goes wrong with him or if he just can't be around for some reason, it gets to me. Hard. It puts me in such a bad mood and it is horrible to deal with. It's depressing. I know that there are people out there that will listen, but sometimes it just isn't the same. But in the end, at least I have Jeremiah.

I hate this blog post.