It just hit me today. I have a lot more probems than I'd like to think I do. I've focused so much on the things that shouldn't matter so much right now that i've completely let go of what I should be focusing on. I'm not doing as well in school as I pretend. I have a D in Healthy Life Skills because I don't make the time to study for my exams, which i've bombed the only 2 i've taken so far. I've bombed the only too exams i've taken in Government as well, so I can expect a D or possibly an F in that class. Who even knows about my Intro to Mass Comm class...I haven't done that great on some quizzes and the professor probably hates me. I dozed off in his class yesterday and after waking me up went on this lecture about how disrespectful sleeping and texting in his class is. Worst part is, this won't be the only class I have with him. If I keep up with my Broadcasting major, I'll be seeing a lot more of him in years to come....joy.
I'm hating work. I don't make enough money. I realize that's kinda my own fault because I never want to work and almost throw myself out there when the managers ask who will go home...I just hate waiting tables. I'm so sick of being a waitress. Even when I do actually work, I hardly make any tips! Tips are what we live on, People!!! I don't know how much longer I can deal with that. I'm thinking of maybe working as a hostess instead. But the dilema with that is I don't know if i'll be making as much money! I hate work. Everything about it makes me sick.
My bank account is drained. It's completely gone. Everything I have saved up from the last 2 years has already been wasted paying for school, my laptop and loaning my family money. I don't know what i'm going to do if I get kicked out of the OHLAP program. I don't have the money to pay for all of my school. My parents can't help me out, they've been borrowing money from me! If I fail a class, I'm done for. I'll get kicked out of OHLAP and my financial aid is gone. I'd possibly have to drop out of school.
All this time, all I could think about was my social life. Always thinking about what parties were going on over the weekend, thinking about making as many new friends as I could, finding ways to get out of work so I could go out with my friends, constantly thinking about boys and whether or not someone likes me or I like them. I always put my social life ahead of school, work, and even my family. Drinking has started becoming a problem for me as well. I drink all the time now, and in large amounts. I swear I'm drinking 4 or 5 days a week now. I actually got kicked out of Buffalo Wild Wings last night because someone caught me taking a shot. Apparently I'm not allowed back until I turn 21 unless I'm with family. That's so lame. Well..I actually think it's kinda funny. You know you're a dumbass when you get kicked out of freakin Buffalo Wild Wings. But what's even lamer is that even after getting kicked out, I just sat in Bll's car with Joey and started drinking the vodka that was in his car. Everyone tells me i've turned into an alcoholic. Am I really becoming an alcoholic??
I have to do something about myself. I can't keep doing the things I'm doing if I want to make something of myself. I just don't know how to get myself to focus and stay that way. I feel so lost right now...
