So he dumped me. Go figure, right?
The sad thing is, i've been really upset, but not so much with him as I am with myself. I'm extremely disappointed in myself. I feel stupid. Foolish. I never learn. I did things I didn't want to for him, so I could be a decent girlfriend. I hurt people I didn't mean to hurt. I worst of all, I lost some people that I NEVER wanted to lose. I kicked them to the side because I wanted to try and make things work with him, and in the end, for what? One fucking month? Classic...
That's all it was. One month. A lame excuse for a "relationship". I can't believe I didn't listen to people. I can't believe that instead of going with my heart, I went with my head. And now I'm here. Pitiful. I hope he's happy. For his sake, I hope he finds some nasty tramp to help him out a bit. I think he was about to burst..and I don't really mean that in a bad way. With all sincerity, he's not going to change. For his own good, he might as well jump right back in to the game and take up a few more names for his list. Once a whore, always a whore..
Well, now that I get all of that out of my system, I think i'm okay. It's not like we were dating forever, one month is nothing, just like him. Upset for a few days, now I'm good and ready to have my fun as a single girl again! And hey, some good things have already come out of it. The guys seem a little more comfortable talking to me again. It's like they couldn't before because he was like watching their every move around me lol. I hear some of the guys are REALLY pissed at him, not exactly because of me, but then again for some, I hear that's a good reason. I hear the guys tore him up at meeting on Monday. Not that I want that...well, maybe a little. Can you blame me?! I can't help but love that people are smacking him across the head calling him a fucking idiot. It makes one feel good! And then there's...hmm.
Zach and I are talking again. Last thing I thought would happen, but he was nice enough to come over and give me a hug, apologizing for Ryan's stupidity, which funny enough is the same stupidity he himself made about nine months ago. He apologized profusely for that one, finally clearing the air. That made me really happy. But as we laugh and smile, joking around about how we're both in the same ship (SINGLES UNITED!), I don't know how I really feel about him being back. As long as he doesn't try to "do what feels right" again, I think we'll be okay. But otherwise, I'm just not too sure. Fuck, I don't even want find out what everyone would say...Not happening.
Well, now that's it's done and over with, I hate it, but it's okay. I don't plan on doing things the way with him that I may have done with Zach. I still want to talk to him like the friends that we used to be. I may joke around telling him to go injure some poor girl and get it all out of his system. I know he needs it, and I really mean it in a good joking way! I actually wouldn't doubt he's done it already lol. I refuse to let things be awkward with him. Whatever, I'm so over it. Now I can go back to my ways and be happy. Drink Up!
