Day 22

I am thankful for life.

Day 5

I am thankful for dreams.

Day 4

I am thankful for film.

Day 3

I am thankful for my family.

Day 2

I am thankful for the sun.

Day 1

I am thankful for Jeremiah Dreier.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year.

I feel that seasonal depression train coming in...

All aboard.

Hiding.

Sorry for telling you the truth.

Lesson Learned.

To The Woman Who Got My Mother Fired.

You're a fat, ugly, cock-sucking bitch.

I hope you choke on your cake.


P.S. GO FUCK YOURSELF.

Day 30: Darkness Round the Sun.

The last day of my 30 Day Picture Challenge...

A picture of someone you miss.

And I have the perfect person to write about.

BUT...I think I won't.

In the end, it's not about those that don't stick around, it's about those that do.

So here's to all of the fallen soldiers of my life's journey...

You won't be missed.

Day 29: Beautiful Love.

"A picture that can always make you smile."

No blog post necessary.

Just a smile :)

Day 28: Flatlined.

A picture of something you're afraid of.

Well unfortunately this post may be very redundant.

My biggest, most terrifying fear in life is dying. Thanataphobia, to be exact. To elaborate even more, the thing I'm most afraid of is dying before I get the chance to call Jeremiah my husband.

Don't ask me why; I have absolutely no idea. I was never really afraid of death until after I met him. I guess it is the thought of never being able to fulfill the entire fairy tale that our relationship is. I guess it's just that I'm terrified of losing him, even by my own death.

And then there's just the question of what happens after you die. That unknown territory freaks me the fuck out.

I really just more than anything want to live a long, beautiful and happy life by Jeremiah's side. I want little rugrats running around our home and for us to grow old together.

Death is inevitable. I know that. I only hope that that I am able to live my life the way I want to before that fateful day comes.

Day 27: Family Portrait.

"A picture of yourself and a family member."

This is my daddy :)

I like to think that I used to be more of a daddy's girl. We never really got in each other's hair much...I don't think...we both just kinda like to sit back and watch the show.

The film, in our case really.

He ignited my love for film. I will forever be thankful that we really did nothing but watch movies. I would say he has always supported me with my various hobbies, if only by getting me books and movies to watch about it. It worked though.

I think I picked this mainly because I just really love this picture.

It makes me happy :)

Day 26: How Much For Happy?

A picture of something that means a lot to you.

Happiness.

Day 25: Dance with the Devil.

"A picture of your favorite day."

I seriously couldn't choose a favorite day, but there were several favorite times that I could think of. Most include Jeremiah (obviously), but in order to have some variety, I chose the next best thing: My times in Mexico. Specifically, Summer of 2004.

The best summer of my life.

This was the summer that I went to Europe for the second time and got to visit one of my favorite countries, Italy. It was the summer that I celebrated my Quinceañera and the summer I that I essentially grew up. But my favorite part of all...it was the summer I found out that my cousin was gay.

The week that I spent in San Luis that summer was one of the greatest weeks ever. I made so many friends and opened up in a way that I never had before. I was full of life that year, I never stopped smiling. That week, my cousin's "friend" was staying at his house for school. Well that "friend"...was insanely hot. I spent a lot of time talking to him, so much that I never realized how angry my cousin was acting towards me. That didn't last for too long. Before I knew it, he dragged me into his room and told me that he was gay.

And that was just peachy! Didn't bother me at all...not really until I realized where he was going with it. Turns out that guy staying with him, the guy I had spent so much time getting to know and was starting to like, was his boyfriend!!! Go figure. I eventually laughed it off; it's kinda funny now.

After opening up to me, my cousin took me out to meet his friends. We went to the Plaza downtown. That's where I met the majority of the gay community of SLP. And they were all such amazing people...even the girl that hit on me, although that was just more awkward than amazing. At some point in that week, my cousin took me to my first club. That was fun, but not what I really expected.

The real fun was at the gay clubs we hit up afterwards.

I don't think I've ever had so much fun in my life! I felt so comfortable around these people. I let loose and danced the night away. Everyone taught me the "gay dance", which literally everyone in the club knows. There was even a shout out to "The girl from Oklahoma!" I didn't want that night to end.

The picture above doesn't do this memory justice, but it's one of the best ones that represents what I loved so much about that summer. My cousin and his friends. Just don't mind the girl on the far left.

She's only there because I couldn't crop her out.

Day 24: Second Chance.

A picture of something you wish you could change.


Too much to list.

Day 23: Decode.

"A picture of your favorite book."

DO. NOT. HATE.

I'm a total sucker, I know! I'm not ashamed to admit it, though.

I love Twilight.

The books were amazing. Especially the first and the last one. I was slightly obsessed. Now the movies...mehhh, not so much. I did like them; a lot more than most did, I'm sure. But I'll be the first to admit that they weren't phenomenal. I like it more simply because I love the story and I'm way too lazy to spend countless hours reading the books again.

So yes, Twilight is my top pick for favorite book.

.....

TEAM GLITTER TITS!!!! :D

Oh come on. You knew it was coming.

Day 22: Rosa Pastel.

"A picture of something you wish you were better at."

This is hard to narrow down...

There is a lot in life that I wish I were "better" at. I wish I were better in school; better at making friends; better at communicating; better at my job; better at accepting myself; better at walking in heels...better in life generally. But I would say that being betting at cooking is pretty high up on my list.

Growing up, there wasn't a lot of serious cooking in my home. The easier and faster the better. Every time that my mother did cook, she always tried to teach me what she was doing.

"2 eggs in this. A pinch of salt in that."

But did I pay attention? Well of course not!

"Yessss mammitaa, an egg and some salt. Mmm hmm. Got it."

I should have freakin' paid attention...

Now I'm grown up and on my own. I won't even try to cook anything because anytime I have tried, I have literally started fires. And so Jeremiah is the cook of the household. He is great at it, but sometimes I really do wish I could actually cook for him for once. But honestly, that won't be happening anytime soon.

And the funny thing is, for as much as I watch the Food Network, you'd think I could actually cook something. Even a cake from the box.

HA!

Cereal and microwavable foods it is.

Day 21: It Happened One Night.

A picture of your favorite night.

One of my favorite nights has to be from my 21st Birthday.

Turning 21 wasn't as special as I thought it would be. Starting to drink at a young age will do that. There was no real excitement, it's not like I would be having my first drink. It wouldn't have even been going to my first bar. I didn't expect it to be a good birthday.

But it was.

Turning 21 allowed me to see the wonderful people in my life. I got to spend a nice time with my family and then I was showered with happiness as tons of my friends showed up to my party that night. Looking back at the pictures from that weekend is one of the greatest treasures I have because it reminds me how blessed I really am to have people that care about me in my life. I may forget from time to time, but these pictures are a friendly reminder.

It's nice to remember that I am loved.

Day 20: Does It Dream.

"A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel."

I WANT TO TRAVEL THE WORLD!!!

Seriously, that is a huge dream of mine. I want to go everywhere; Greece, Egypt, Italy, France, Japan, Spain, India, South Africa, Costa Rica, China, Russia, Thailand...Canada...

I want to see the world.

If I had to choose one area, though (area, because I seriously can't choose one place), it would have to be in the Mediterranean. I am seriously dying to visit Greece and Spain and to go back to Italy. It's so incredibly beautiful there; it would be like my personal vacation in Heaven.

I have been fortunate enough to travel around a good deal of Europe. I will forever be grateful. Unfortunately, I was pretty young and stupid then, so I hardly soaked up what I was seeing. I barely remember it now! All I could think of were stupid boys.

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid.

So I have to go back! And while I'm there, I have to explore everything else around it.

I would actually die pretty happy if I could travel more.

Day 19: Life is Tough. Get a Helmet.

"A picture of you when you were little."

I HATE THIS PICTURE!! The only reason I am sharing it because it's one of the youngest pictures I have that I don't want to use in later posts. And I find it kind of ironic. So there ya go.

This was taken right before I went repelling off of a castle tower in Wales. I was scared shitless, but I like to think I held my composure. This time of my life was definitely interesting. While it may not seem like it in the picture, this was back in my "angry days". I was so naive at this point. In my own defense, I had some things to be angry about, but if only I knew what I would have to endure in the future, I wouldn't have taken those nice and easy days for granted.

I should have enjoyed my time while life was still easy.

And I should have gotten my damn teeth fixed.

Day 18: Jezebel.

"A picture of your biggest insecurity."

I can't pinpoint my biggest insecurity. I'm insecure about it all.

I know that's a pretty awful thing to say. Everyone always talks that crap about how we should love ourselves the way we are. I can't do that. I hate my smile and my teeth. The way I laugh. I hate my natural hair, my scars and body. I even hate my personality and my past. I think the only thing that I like about myself are my sparse freckles.

I feel ugly on the inside and the outside.

Day 17: Paradigm.

"A picture of something that has made a huge impact on your life recently."

Well, this isn't necessarily recent, but it has guided me to make a fairly recent change in my life.

FILM.

I grew up being a so-called film buff. Most of my childhood memories consist of me spending hours and hours of watching movies with my dad, and when I wasn't watching movies with my dad, I was watching them alone in my room...playing along with the movie, I must add. I was a lonely child.

Yes.

So...with that being said, movies have always had a huge impact on my life, especially when it came to career options. I secretly always wanted to be an actress when I was a kid. When I saw Mission:Impossible, I wanted to be a secret agent. When I saw The Mummy, I wanted to be an archeologist. After watching CSI, I wanted to go into forensics (I know it's not a movie, leave it alone). Eventually, I came to the realization that what I wanted to do with my life has been in front of me my entire life. I wanted to be in the movie making business.

Film is very powerful. It has the ability to suck in its viewers and completely take over their emotions. It takes on a reality of its own that I find so beautiful. For me, film is an escape. The making of a film is so exciting and complex...I love everything about film and I cannot wait to someday be a part of it.

With that being said, I am on the path of getting a college degree in Film & Video Studies. A lot of people doubt what I'm doing...sometimes I even doubt myself. But the fact of the matter is that I love what I'm doing. I'm never really gonna love school because school is school, but if I have to be learning something, I'm beyond glad that I get to study movies. And I promise you a million times over, it is soooo much more difficult than people give it credit for. Regardless, I couldn't be more excited about what I get to learn everyday.

Plus, who else gets to call going to the the movies and watching the Oscars homework?! It's AWESOME.

I'm very happy with where I'm going in life.

And one day I will make a movie about my life. It'll be great.

Day 16: Scream of the Butterfly.

"A picture of someone who inspires you."

So I'm gonna be totally cliché and say that my mom has been the one that has inspired me most in my life.

It has always actually been a little difficult for me to answer this question. Honestly, there are a ton of "inspiring" people out there, but I have never been able to name someone that has had that kind of impact in my life. There hasn't ever really been someone that I have looked up to...except for my brother and that is only for music. But if there is someone that I would have to choose, it would be my mother, because throughout it all, she is a very strong woman that has endured a lot.

She has had so many struggles in her life and she has always found a way to make it through. Regardless of how crazy she may seem, she's an incredibly intelligent woman that has a lot of experience under her belt. You try loosing your father on your 16th birthday, among other things. She's a survivor. I am really proud to say that my mother is someone that I do admire.

And I also believe that her love life should be made into a movie.

Just sayin'.

Day 15: My Happy Ending.

" A picture of something you want to do before you die."

This is going to start being very redundant...

I want to be married and have children with Jeremiah. Surprised? Didn't think so. But if we're being honest here, it has to be said! It has been the only thing that I have wanted since I met him. Let's just say that I pretty much became thanataphobic after we met; I'm TERRIFIED of dying before marrying him.

Sad, no?

So that's basically it. I want to be married, have beautiful children, have a home...and a dog, and live a long happy life by his side. Is that too much to ask for?

Oh, and I also want to travel the world, send my parents to Italy, attend IMATS, learn how to swim and be the proud owner of the perfect nude lipstick. Those are pretty high on my bucket list too.

Day 14: Till Death Do Us Part.

"A picture of someone you could never imagine your life without."

Well ain't this entry just perfect for today!

I couldn't stay away from writing about Jeremiah for long. He is without a shadow of a doubt the one that I could never imagine my life without. He has changed my life for the better. He has been there through everything and stuck it out with me through think and thin. No matter what challenges we face, we fight them together and always make it out stronger. He is my rock. I feel like he has made me a better person and he has taught me how to love. I've said it before and I'll say it again; God knows where I would be without him. I have finally found my Prince Charming and I feel like the luckiest girl in the world to have him in my life.

The picture I used was from when we got into a wreck back in August. I love this picture because it's kinda ironic. Even in the midst of disaster, we still act totally gross and in love. Plus, we just had to take a final picture in front of his car. That car is not only where we kissed for the first time, but also where he asked me to be his girlfriend. It was a very sad moment, but we were just thankful it wasn't worse. Even though it was scary as hell, at the end of the day, all we could do was hold each other and laugh a little. He has taught me that even when things get rough, as long as he as by my side, I know that everything will turn out just fine.

Okay, this is getting wayyy sappy.

Happy Valentine's Day, baby. I love you more than anything and everything. Forever and Always <3

Day 13: Sound of Madness.

"A picture of your favorite band or artist."

Now this is a very recent development.

When I read that I had to choose my favorite band/artist, I had no idea what to put down. For years I have said that it was Staind, but quite frankly I'm a little ashamed to say them now. Their new stuff kinda sucks. They turned into softies. I hardly listen to them half as much as I used to anyway. I thought about saying Slipknot, because I do love me some Slipknot, but I just don't listen to them all the time. Same with Korn. The one I could firmly say is still one of my current favorites is Rikets, but their not a freakin' band anymore! And I then I thought long and hard and I realized that there was a band I could say I have loved almost every song they have come out with and I still listen to them on a daily basis.

Shinedown.

I really loved The Sound of Madness album. I'm currently obsessed with "The Crow and the Butterfly"; it's such a beautiful song...and it makes me wanna cry a little. And I love "Sound of Madness"; it makes me feel like a rockstar.".45" makes me shed another little tear...and so does "Second Chance". And...last one, I swear...I MUST commend them for their rendition of "Simple Man". It is brilliant.

And you know what, I think it is actually slightly better than Skynard's.

Just sayin'.

So yes. I think Shinedown is amazing. Their music makes me incredible emotional.

And...I pretend to be a rockstar to them...

Day 12: Lip Gloss and Black.

"A picture of something you love."

AAaahhhh...

So I could very well have made this all about Jeremiah. He is the biggest love of my life, after all. But I decided to give it a rest and go to the next best thing.

Makeup.

I'm slightly obsessed. It is something fairly new for me, though. I didn't start wearing makeup until I went all angry in the 7th grade, but even then, that was really only heavy eyeliner and mascara. All about the black raccoon eyes for me! No. I was not really into cosmetics prior to about a year or two ago. God knows I couldn't apply it properly to save my life. I'm really not really even sure how it happened. I think it started the last time I went to Mexico. I remember that there was one time when my mom went to stay at the hospital overnight with my sick cousin. That night, there was no way I was sleeping; I was way too freaked out. So what did I do? I searched makeup tutorials on YouTube. And I've been hooked ever since...

It took me awhile to actually experiment, though. I started buying an absurd amount of makeup about a year ago and it has literally been months since I began to really play and create crazy looks. Now, I'm not very good, but I am practicing. Hopefully one day I can have half the talent of the gurus I religiously watch on on the Tube.

I think it's a beautiful art. Because it is an art, after all. It amazes me how makeup can transform someone into something so different. It takes real talent to be a makeup artist.

If only, if only...

I think that is what I love about it so much. I love the reaction some people get when they have a transformation. It's like..."Wow. I AM beautiful..."

And sure we can all talk bullshit about how everyone is beautiful even without makeup and BLaH BLaH BLaH, but come the fuck on. The vast majority of the female population don't look decent unless they put a bit of mascara on.

But I guess that's just coming from my own warped mind.

Whatever. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have makeup anymore. Crazy is the first, though. Let's just hope that doesn't happen anytime soon. I'm sure I've got enough to last me a lifetime. And in the meantime, I'll just keep experimenting.

But don't get me started on makeup brushes. That's a whole 'nother level of obsession...

Day 11: Enjoy the Silence.

"A picture of something you hate."

If there's one thing in this world that I hate the most, it is feeling alone.

I have spent a seriously ridiculous amount of time feeling alone in my life. Sometimes it is nice to have a little alone time; to think, to pray...to sing in front of the mirror and pretend you're a rockstar. Regardless of those certain moments, the feeling of being completely and utterly alone is the worst. It's knowing that you have no one to talk to and no one to turn to for advice. It's the feeling of being completely alone on this planet when you know there are still millions out there.

Feeling alone is the worst.

Although I have the best man in the world by my side, sometimes it is nice to know that there are others out there that I can depend on. Recently, I feel like Jeremiah is the only one that I can turn to. So when something goes wrong with him or if he just can't be around for some reason, it gets to me. Hard. It puts me in such a bad mood and it is horrible to deal with. It's depressing. I know that there are people out there that will listen, but sometimes it just isn't the same. But in the end, at least I have Jeremiah.

I hate this blog post.

Day 10: Sillyworld.

"A picture of the person you do the silliest things with."

I have a good feeling that Jeremiah will be in almost all of these entries...

There's no one that I am sillier with than with him.

We are a really goofy couple. I think over time we have lost that silliness a little, but behind closed doors and away from the public, we still have our moments. Well...I actually don't know if I can say that! Let's just say that we are the couple that will have a toy sword fight in the middle of a store isle. We're known to have done that a time or two. Or three.

The picture I used above I feel is a perfect example of how silly we can be together. For Halloween 2009, I dressed up as a witch and he wanted to be a gorilla. So we decided to go as the Wicked Witch of the West (kind of) and my Flying Monkey!!! He had a set of purple wings, but he didn't have them on in the picture. Oh well, it was still a hit.

He is the person that I feel most comfortable with, so I am a real goofball with him. That is something that I love about our relationship; we always know how to be a little silly with each other. It keeps us smiling!

I love my big monkey.

Day 9: Lithium.

"A picture of the person who has gotten you through the most."

I have had a few rocks in my life. No one has ever helped me as much as Jeremiah has. I have already written about our love story. I have already written a little about my life prior to him. The one thing that I haven't mentioned much is about how he saved my life.

Although I may have been having the time of my life while I was partying, it was my time alone that put me right back into place. My thoughts were my personal demons. It's what lead me to drink and smoke myself silly even after the party was over. It was the only way I knew how to cope.

When I met Jeremiah, everything was a little different for me. I no longer felt so miserable in my daily life that I had to drink to forget. I wanted to remember everything so long as he was involved. He taught me how to laugh, love...and how to be happy. He changed my life. I will forever be in debt. I couldn't be more thankful for him.

God knows where I would be without him.

Day 8: Smart In A Stupid Way.

"A picture that makes you laugh."

OHHH the good ole days :)

I love this picture. It was taken during my first semester of college when I was ALWAYS partying. I'll be completely honest, I do not remember taking this picture at all. In fact, I have no idea where I am! I'm pretty sure I may already have been a little drunk when I showed up to this place. Actually, I'm positive I was. That is part of what makes me laugh about this picture. Also, the 7-11 Big Culp is just sooo perfect. After all, that was the Kappa Sigma way. No matter what was happening, I always had a drink in my hand. And if I somehow didn't, well, I took it from someone else.

I guess that the main reason this has become one of my favorite photographs is because of what it represents for me. Regardless of what I may have been going through at the time, I felt alive. It was a great time in my life that was full of fun. Not only did I learn how to actually smile that year, I also learned how to laugh at myself. Sure, I may have made some pretty poor decisions, but I don't regret them. That first semester of college was a blast!

And I love that shirt. It makes me happy.

Day 7: Simple Survival.

"A picture of your most treasured item."

Apparently technology and its perks are my most treasured item.

I sat for a while thinking about what my most treasured item was. I was blank for a while. I kept thinking that there has to be something around here that that had so much value I wouldn't be able to live without it. But, no matter how long I thought about it, I knew I would be alright if I lost certain things such as jewelry or precious trinkets I've gathered while growing up. But there were a few keys things I could think of. I knew that I would die without a the pictures I've spent my life collecting. I would also die without my music library. I would loath the inability to be connected to the world. And a life without movies? Well, I'd die without that as well. So as much as I didn't want to depend on this to be my most treasured item, it's obvious I can't deny it.

It's my computer.

I have sadly become very dependent of this machine that I sit here now typing on. It contains a lifetime of memories; my pictures. A lifetime a sound; my music. There's complete access to the world and beyond with the internet and communication with others seems to be more simple. And movies? Well, I've got my favorites on here too.

So it's undeniable. My life has been documented on this new age apparatus and I'm not sure how I could live without it now.

Let's hope there's electricity after 2012.

Day 6: Cloud Nine.

"A picture of a person you'd love to trade places with for a day."

Well...while there is definitely someone I think I would want to trade places with for a day, I will not write about her. Instead, I will write about what it is that I would want to experience, if for only one day.

I want to be someone who is Rich, Beautiful and Full of Life...

I live a fairly comfortable life; I can't really complain. I've had my times growing up where I didn't really know if my family and I would make it out okay, financially wise. We've always managed. But for just one day, I would love to not have to worry at all about money. I would love to just spoil myself and know that it won't even put a dent in my wallet. I want to have the money to travel the world. I just want to be filthy f*cking rich.

And is it me, or are all the rich people just naturally gorgeous?

I highly doubt it's just me. So, I think it necessary to include beauty in the package as well. I want to FEEL beautiful. I want to know that when I go out, all eyes are on me. But I don't want it to be just that. I want them to all look at me because I am alive and happy as can be. I wish to not have a care in the world to bother me.

That's what I would want for a day...

I should just be famous.

Day 5: Fools Rush In.

"A picture of your favorite memory."

Oh, this was an easy one :)

My favorite memory isn't of one specific moment, but rather of a period of time that is best described as...a real life fairytale.

It's about falling head-over-heels in love with Jeremiah.

The picture I used for this entry is our very first picture taken together. It was the night of the ΚΣ Foam Party. Prior to that, Jeremiah and I had only briefly been talking, just as friends at that point. We had this super long message going back and forth between the two of us just talking and asking each other random questions. And when I say random, I mean RANDOM! I don't think I had ever had someone ask me which planet was my favorite! That's how I knew he was something else, it was so refreshing!

I was supposed to go to the party with someone else, but he had gotten himself into a bit of trouble the night before and therefore didn't want to go. And thank goodness for that! Jeremiah came and stole me right away, asking me to be his date to the party. I couldn't have been happier. That was the first night he first kissed me.

We dated for two whole months before he officially asked me to be his girlfriend. Not that it made any difference to us; I'd say we acted like a legitimate couple during the dating period. We spent every moment together possible. I had so much fun with him! Now, if I had to choose one of my absolute top moments with him, it would have to be the night he asked me to be his girlfriend.

That night, he had a very special date planned for us. It didn't quite turn out like he had hoped though. It started storming right after dinner! While we were driving around in the pouring rain, he suddenly pulled over into a random parking lot. I thought it was a little strange, but little did I know! He put on a CD with a bunch of love songs, turned it up high, got out of the car around to my side and pulled out a bouquet of fake white roses (apparently he had tried to get real ones but they were closed when he got there, so he went with fakes, which I loved!). He took my hand, pulled me outside and began to DANCE WITH ME IN THE RAIN!!!! It was seriously magical! Gross, I know, sorry. But really, I couldn't believe he had just pulled that on me! It was beautiful. He didn't keep me out long though, he knew I didn't like my hair getting wet! After that, we kept on driving around when it started hailing outside. So we pulled under a 7-11 gas station to take cover. We just talked until it passed. As we left, he had come to terms with his "failed date" and we decided to just go back to his place and watch a movie. But before we went inside, he took my hand, looked right into my eyes and asked me to be his girlfriend. And what did I say?...

"It's about time!"

And then we smiled and kissed and it was corny and so on and so forth!

We have had so many wonderfully hysterical moments together. Should I mention that we said "I Love You" for the first time sitting on top of a toilet seat?! My life should be a movie, I swear! I have loved every minute of being with him and I regret nothing. My favorite moments in life will forever be the beginning of our beautiful relationship. I wouldn't have it any other way.
_________________________________________________________

My Brickfish entry for the "Best of the Best 2008" contest.

"Okay, so I know I am going to be totally cliché, but living out a fairy tale love story is a pretty magnificent thing. Meeting Jeremiah at the beginning of the new year, I knew right away that this would be the "can't-eat, can't-sleep, reach-for-the-stars, over-the-fence, world-series kind of stuff" they were talking about in the 1995 movie, "It Takes Two" :) . Without effort, we both fell head over heels in love with each other. Now we are one year strong and I couldn't be happier that I found the Prince Charming I had always prayed for. He is by far the Best of the Best of 2008 for me, but honestly, I know he will be the Best of the Best for the Rest of my Life."

I love you, Jeremiah. Forever & Always <3

Day 4: Censored.

"A picture of something you wish you could forget."


I feel like there is a lot in my life I wish I could forget. Arguments, grade school, heartaches and heartbreaks, people, habits...the list could go on. Unfortunately, the one thing I wish I could forget about most is the one thing I sincerely cannot talk about. I guess the only thing to say about it is...I wouldn't wish this nightmare on even my worst enemy.

...And this is officially the worst blog post ever.

Day 3: OMFG.

"A picture of the cast from you're favorite show."

Don't Hate.

Yes, for as "different & dark" as I am, my top show is in fact the prepster favorite, Gossip Girl. But then again, is that really so hard to believe? That show is seriously hot...and I do mean the eyecandy.

On a more serious, deeper note, I think the reason I like this show is because I have a problem with envy. It seems like every show I watch is actually me watching people I envy, fictional or not. Gossip Girl is a show about the rich and beautiful living their fabulous, if not scandalous, lives. E! News is a news show about the rich and beautiful living their fabulous, if not scandalous, lives. 90210 is a show about the rich and beautiful...living their fabulous...if not scandalous....lives. Well, Survivor is a show about adventure?! I ENVY ALL OF THAT! It's a sad world.

TV is my personal torture.

That's why I major in film.

P.S. BLUCK FOREVER! :P

Day 2: Cry Little Sister...

"A picture of you and the person you used to be close with."

Here's to my brother, Lee...

When we were little tiny babies (err, kids?), I can't say we were super close. He and my sister lived in Ft. Worth, TX with their mother (he's my "half-brother") and so I only got to see them every once and a while. But then sometime later, he moved here with my parents. Now, he's quite a bit older than me, 10 years to be exact, so I obviously looked up to him. When I was about 12 years old, things really changed for me. I became angsty, angry and over emotional. I started listening to metal, dressing in black and eating alone. Seeing that I had no friends, I really turned to my brother for company at home. Not to mention, we had one big thing in common: Music.

Everyone always tells me that the only reason I became a so-called "metalhead" is because of Lee. Well, I can't completely discredit him. He was after all the one that introduced me to most of what I listen to. But I did start kinda listening to it wayyy before he was around. It was just meant to happen! Well, so he was always introducing me to new bands, when he started a band himself, he invited me to his band practices, we would go to shows together, etc etc. I'd say we became real close after that. Closer than most full siblings I knew.

Then at the beginning of 2009, he and my dad had a huge falling out. I won't go into details, but it was bad. Eventually, that meant that he and I had our own falling out since I defended my father. The last thing I said to him was that if he claimed that he didn't have a father anymore, then he could claim he didn't have a sister either. We went almost 2 years without speaking to each other...

It amazed me how we could stop speaking to each other like it was nothing. I was so angry with him at first that I pretended not to care. If he wanted to be a childish asshole, then fine, so be it. That attitude lasted maybe a year. It eventually just turned into hurt for having lost basically one of my best friends.

In November of last year, we finally started talking again. It happened the day before his wedding when my sister Shana talked me into calling him to at least congratulate him. It was incredibly emotional and I was terrified to speak to him. But everything worked out alright. We both apologized to each other and confessed how much we missed each other. He even invited me to his wedding the next day. Now THAT was an emotional meeting, but it was wonderful. Since then, we have tried to stay in contact regularly; a phone call a week or so. Unfortunately we have both been so busy that the first time we were able to see each other since was just a few days ago at a Skinlab show.

Things definitely aren't the same between us. We've lost that "closeness" we had before. I can tell we are both trying to go back to the way it was before, though. Hopefully in time it will be. Till then, I'm just glad I have a brother again...

Day 1: Mirror Mirror On The Wall...

Well it's a snow day in the lovely state of Oklahoma. To commemorate this cold event, not to mention to cure myself of a severe case of cabin fever, I figure why the hell not! Here is day one of my 30-Day Picture Challenge.

15 RANDOM FACTS ABOUT ME

1. I found the love of my life in 2008.
2. I am majoring in film.
3. I am obsessed with makeup.
4. I am a so-called metal-head.
5. I have high anxiety.
6. I am a loner.
7. The number 7 follows me everywhere.
8. I am an envious person.
9. I am a pro at pushing people away.
10. I am a daydreamer.
11. I enjoy spending time with my family.
12. I do not understand how he still loves me.
13. I am afraid of dying.
14. I need therapy.
15. I still know what happy is.